7 Answers

The only thing that I could suggest would be to keep any encouragements "very small". People who are in pain/incapacitated/obese, see any physical activity as a big mountain in front of them. Maybe upper body exercises but only 2-3 reps at first, maybe a walk outside but only for 5 minutes, maybe surprise his wife by making the coffee but only once a week. If he is willing, he would feel better and then more inclined to increase these activities or add other things. (Some will be willing to at least try....others will flat out refuse.) I think it's great that you are trying to help him....good luck.

My brothers like that now, he had a fall about a year ago, and although I know he a bit scared of having another he won't do anything for himself, his wife  does it all. He has recently been diagnosed with Parkinsons  decease, and has been told that he must exercise, walk, and lose weight.  We went to visit him a few weeks ago, and I suggested going for a walk with him, but he wouldn't, he just says oh no I can't do that anymore. It's very hard on everyone around him, especially  his wife,  you can only keep trying your best to get them moving again,  easier said than done I'm  afraid. 

Ducky

I have been in that same situation. The person was advised by her doctor to get outside for a walk, every single day, even if only for five minutes. I volunteered to drive to her house everyday, and walk with her. "No, I can't and nobody understands that"! Sad indeed to watch them deteriorate before your eyes when they could help themselves. :(

My grandmother suffered with health problems (mostly her back) for approx 30 years.  For over  a decade she laid in bed having my grandfather cook and serve her breakfast, lunch and dinner. He also cleaned the house, washed the laundry, watered the grass, mowed the lawn, planted the garden, harvested the garden,  did the grocery shopping, paid the bills, stoked the fire place, ran all the errands, fed the dogs,  and the list continues on and on and on and he  somehow managed to love her enough to scratch her back and rub lotion on her back EVERY night  and give her a kiss and tell her he loved her before she went to sleep.

Please don't misunderstand me. I loved my grandmother to bits. My grandmother was more of a mom to me than my mother ever was so I'm not meaning to cut her down.  What I am trying to say is that my grandmother gave up way to soon. If she would have made a lot more effort with her physical therapy she would not have been bed ridden for so many years and  therefore be such a burden to my grandfather and she could have lived a more productive life during her last decade on this earth. 

The person you are working for (from what I understand from your question) reminds me so much of my grandmother.  PLEASE show him my answer to you. His wife obviously loves him or she would not still be around waiting on him hand and foot especially knowing he can get better.  It was selfish of my grandmother to give up so soon and not realise or give a shite what a burden she had become to my grandfather who was so willing to do anything for her  because he was dedicated to her because he loved her so much. My  grandmother caused my grandfather and the rest of us so much stress because she did not have the OOMPH to do what it took to make herself better. This man you are helping needs to wake up and realize that he's fortunate to have his wife by his side, stop thinking his life is over, start appreciating his wife for what she does for him, stop taking advantage of her love and support and get up of his keister and help himself first and foremost.

Maybe he or you has to find a reason to motivate himself,,find a goal or reason to go forward..All the best JH..>>>>>>>><<<<<<..

my mother had a stroke several months ago. she  goes to kaiser. 5 weeks ago i took to Five Branches University in san jose, ca to a stroke specialist. they do acupuncture. my mother has had 5 treatments so far. the first 3 are free, then 27.00 a treatment.  she keeps getting better every visit. she did not want to do anything at first either. she told me she just couldn't do anything. now she is walking, dressing self and other things.  i think people are tired and scared after a stroke.  maybe you and his wife could start a "Go Fund Me" fund raiser to get your friend some extra services. You can raise money on-line. 

The rest of the story is heartbreaking. :-(